I never thought of myself as a person who dreads getting older. Years ago, I couldn’t wait to be 21. Now I’m practically drowning in the late 20’s pool and frankly it freaks me out. For one, it feels like approaching 30 is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I have not achieved what I want to achieve nor do I know what I want to achieve other than the fact that what I want to achieve is definitely not this. Do you get what I’m trying to say? I don’t care if you don’t. :P
These days I don’t feel particularly proud of myself. I see people close to me whom I grew up with & some close friends moving forward in their lives and I admire them for it, going off to places like Australia, KL and other places and making a career for themselves. I’d like to do that too. Recently, I have been wondering a lot about moving out of Penang and maybe to KL, partly because one day my dad brought it up and asked me if I’ve ever thought of doing so (of coz I like Singapore though coz it’s clean and $$ and the system is so much better there! Education here has taken a backward step after the recent govt announcement. But anyhoo…). I told my friend, I wonder about that...just as far as wondering.. but I don’t know when or if I will ever find the guts to do it. I don’t think I’d be able to just go. But it’s a nice thought. That kind of change might be considered as a small achievement. I’m not really that brave to be honest because I tend to think too much, I’m not a change person. Change is good though, I want to embrace change.
I just don’t look forward for my life to be like born in Penang, study in Penang, work in Penang, start a family in Penang, continue working here until the day I die. Life pretty much shapes into that, freakish but that’s life. Personally for me, my case, and I mean just my own opinion and not comparing with anyone else, not offending anyone else, I feel I got nothing to show and dreading family gatherings coz I’d be the only one who’s still here. Thus, that is why I don’t feel proud of myself anymore and lately it is like I’m having permanent PMS. Maybe I don’t have to think about moving away from here, I guess I could take baby steps and change work environment and find something new with better prospects to do. Maybe I’ve just really been doing this far longer than I really should. That could change my whole perspective.
And thus comes to the end of my post while I go scratch my eyes out looking at codes. It doesn’t feel so bad if I can solve it, but it feels horrible when your mind refuses to work.
