Sunday evening is not the best time .... like ever. It is nice if the next day is an off day but unfortunately I have to go to work and I have to deal with matters that sometimes makes me want to give up. Doesn't that sound familiar? I am sure everyone feels this way one point in time or every single breathing moment.
It is during these bluesy Sunday evenings that brings to surface poignant memories that was once a part of my life. I guess it is rather true that misery loves company.
I miss the time when I wake up in the morning and I sit on my bed in front of my closet, doors wide open and I just sit there and stare into it looking at all my clothes while thinking what I should wear that day. Strangely, it feels very calming. A mixture of the smell of clean clothes and my room.
I am sitting in the kitchen on this Sunday evening and I look out to my backyard. I miss my dog, Chyna. My beloved dog. She would always be waiting for me at the door, just standing at the doorway, always curious what we are doing. Or she would be lying on the ground silently following our movements with her gaze, tempting me almost to come and give her a belly massage. She would gently gnaw at my fingers and my hand, it feels awesome. She is such an obedient dog, smart, cheeky and sometimes more human than some bitches and SOBs out there.
I miss also, sitting on my bed in front of the fan and staring off into space. I realise I do a lot of sitting and staring into nowhere. I should take note of that and consider more adventurous adrenaline-rush activities such as swimming with sharks and sky diving. In my next life maybe.
I miss the times where I don't feel this enormous dread to get out of bed and go to work. When I would look forward to the day or at least look forward to end of the day, not with enormous glee or whatever. I mean I am human after all, who the hell looks forward to go to work. But the dread is so overbearing that I wish I would never wake up. Does it mean something?
Aahh...it seems trivial, it seems simple and it probably is. But this is who I am and sometimes I hate who I am. I wish I could wake up one day and not care at all, not give a damn about anything.
I wish....
