Books say that during these months, I would experience emotional ups and downs like never before. It was very obvious in the beginning, it went away towards the middle and now it is back agan toward the end.
If I tell you I am unafraid, I will be lying. I am swimming in a sea of emotions every single day. I am happy, excited, worried, stressed, freaked out and nervous. It doesn't help that people keep pressuring me also and adding to my worries just because they experience it a little differently than I do. Thus people say something is wrong with me.
I have learnt to tune these talks out and only absorb those that are of benefit and knowledge to me. Other talk is really like old wives tales of me not complying with the norm. Hey, everyone has a different experience.
There are so many things on my mind and no one I can confide in. I hate the thought of people taking control of my life and this has become my single worst fear. I know it does me no good by imagining the worst especially at times like this but just lying there in the dark when I can't sleep brings all kinds of thoughts to the surface.
I try to not even let work stuff get to me anymore especially in this final 2 laps. I want to enjoy the rest of it so that what's growing inside is enjoying it too. I want my peace and quiet and privacy and something I can hold on to. Sometimes all the white noise throws my emotions into chaos. I can't help worrying. It is like that when you are in an environment where we live by people's rules and not our own. It is challenge to make our own rules for our lives even being grown-assed adults.
Wish me a blessed lap to the finish line and I hope I will have more ups than downs for now.
