Now playing : The Jets - You've Got It All
What will happen in 5 years time? What will I be having 10, 20, 30 years down the road? Where does this road take me? Am I going to be sitting in the same cubicle doing the same job? Or will I have the courage to take up a more creative and fulfilling career? Will I get to see the world before I die? The past few days have been like an emotional rollercoaster ride which I believe eventually contributed to the nightmare I had.
These questions populate my mind every now and then. Sometimes I can feel that I might spiral out of control and lose grip on my life and the people around me. Today I feel especially awkward. Last night I had a bad dream and I woke up still feeling a pang of sadness and anger eventhough, logically speaking, the story in my dream was a little non-sensical but it felt so real. The fears I have on my life played out into a movie by itself in my sub-conscious reality. In my dream, I had no control, I had no say. I felt like I was under invisible lock and chain as I shifted from scene to scene. Everything was revolving around a default scenario that I didn’t agree with. The life that was normal was lost in translation and I ended up helpless, which gave me an extreme feeling of losing grip. The moment I opened my eyes from the sleep, I still felt that wave of misery washing over me. Ever experienced a time when you suddenly wake up from a dream and realize that you were crying? Or that immediate tug on your heart and the tight knot you feel in your tummy? I wasn’t crying though, but I was mildly down in the morning after. It gave me fears that I’m going to be losing grasp of decisions and the fear of living by other people’s rules but with fear came determination too. It was pretty silly now that I think of it. I’ve had dreams of alien bugs attacking me, Godzilla chasing me, me turning into a vampire, me being chased by a vampire, me surfing on waves, me playing basketball with Michael Jordan. God knows I have dreams of everything under the sun.
What will happen in 5 years time? What will I be having 10, 20, 30 years down the road? Where does this road take me? Am I going to be sitting in the same cubicle doing the same job? Or will I have the courage to take up a more creative and fulfilling career? Will I get to see the world before I die? The past few days have been like an emotional rollercoaster ride which I believe eventually contributed to the nightmare I had.
These questions populate my mind every now and then. Sometimes I can feel that I might spiral out of control and lose grip on my life and the people around me. Today I feel especially awkward. Last night I had a bad dream and I woke up still feeling a pang of sadness and anger eventhough, logically speaking, the story in my dream was a little non-sensical but it felt so real. The fears I have on my life played out into a movie by itself in my sub-conscious reality. In my dream, I had no control, I had no say. I felt like I was under invisible lock and chain as I shifted from scene to scene. Everything was revolving around a default scenario that I didn’t agree with. The life that was normal was lost in translation and I ended up helpless, which gave me an extreme feeling of losing grip. The moment I opened my eyes from the sleep, I still felt that wave of misery washing over me. Ever experienced a time when you suddenly wake up from a dream and realize that you were crying? Or that immediate tug on your heart and the tight knot you feel in your tummy? I wasn’t crying though, but I was mildly down in the morning after. It gave me fears that I’m going to be losing grasp of decisions and the fear of living by other people’s rules but with fear came determination too. It was pretty silly now that I think of it. I’ve had dreams of alien bugs attacking me, Godzilla chasing me, me turning into a vampire, me being chased by a vampire, me surfing on waves, me playing basketball with Michael Jordan. God knows I have dreams of everything under the sun.
1 comment:
don't worry dear, everyone's bound to feel that like once in a while. you're just feeling that because things have been complacent for you for a while. imagine if a great project crops up at work (or etc), then at least you'll be doing something different and more challenging.
but then if you think long and hard about it and still want to change your field of occupation, then i'm sure everyone that loves you and that you love will be there 1000% percent :) all the way..
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