The hidden meaning of revamping

Revamp - An act of improving the form, structure, or appearance.

I've revamped the look of my blog. Whether that is an improvement or not, I frankly don't give a crap as long as I like it. I do little things like this every once in a while. Change what I can change in my life eventhough it is a trivial thing. There is not much I can change for a majority of my life but this...this I have control. This I can do..

People revamp their image, their belongings, their house, their car, their blogs, their hobbies..whatever it takes. Not because I have too much time on my hands (yeah maybe I do sometimes but I still have a job). These little things help me get through my days. When I was younger, when things get me down, I re-organize my bedroom to make it look different, to make it feel newer.

As I get older, things change, circumstances change. Sometimes I can afford to revamp something different, sometimes there are constraints. Whatever it is, when life gets too routine, I need to find something to redesign. Little things such as changing my handbag, changing phone cover, getting new cushion covers, trying to discover a hidden talent which in fact I don't have. It is a cheap, temporary thrill that makes me feel fresher. It could mean re-arranging my books or changing my wardrobe. I may take up learning something new such as baking a cake. Never in my life have I baked a cake until a couple of months ago. Now I'm attempting to successfully bake a butter cake. I was going through some hiccups and worries recently and what gets me through was finally baking a butter cake that didn't burn beyond recognition - it was quite an achievement. It distracted me just a little enough to cheer me up! Desserts are miracles, don't you think so? Stressed means desserts.

My point is, things are just blah now so I'm getting a cheap short thrill from changing the look of my blog. The feeling will probably last till tomorrow, whatever it takes...There's not much going on in my life so I'll top it off now by kicking back and watching some Modern Family in a while.

Maybe I'll change my iPad cover tomorrow...

I GIVE UP

Can I really? You ever have those days where you just want to put up your hands and say I give up! I surrender! Whatever!
I am having one of those days. I'm here reading something and I just go - I GIVE UP. I wish I can give up and walk off. I'm fed up and I'm frustrated and I'm stumped. I'm out of ideas... Can this be over?

The Scientist

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised to find out that one of my favourite songs of all time The Scientist by Coldplay was featured in the latest episode of Glee. I first heard this song in the movie Wicker Park, the ending airport scene which was so so so touching. Glee's version was not too bad either but nothing beats the original. *wink*

Missing

Sunday evening is not the best time .... like ever. It is nice if the next day is an off day but unfortunately I have to go to work and I have to deal with matters that sometimes makes me want to give up. Doesn't that sound familiar? I am sure everyone feels this way one point in time or every single breathing moment.

It is during these bluesy Sunday evenings that brings to surface poignant memories that was once a part of my life. I guess it is rather true that misery loves company.

I miss the time when I wake up in the morning and I sit on my bed in front of my closet, doors wide open and I just sit there and stare into it looking at all my clothes while thinking what I should wear that day. Strangely, it feels very calming. A mixture of the smell of clean clothes and my room.

I am sitting in the kitchen on this Sunday evening and I look out to my backyard. I miss my dog, Chyna. My beloved dog. She would always be waiting for me at the door, just standing at the doorway, always curious what we are doing. Or she would be lying on the ground silently following our movements with her gaze, tempting me almost to come and give her a belly massage. She would gently gnaw at my fingers and my hand, it feels awesome. She is such an obedient dog, smart, cheeky and sometimes more human than some bitches and SOBs out there.

I miss also, sitting on my bed in front of the fan and staring off into space. I realise I do a lot of sitting and staring into nowhere. I should take note of that and consider more adventurous adrenaline-rush activities such as swimming with sharks and sky diving. In my next life maybe.

I miss the times where I don't feel this enormous dread to get out of bed and go to work. When I would look forward to the day or at least look forward to end of the day, not with enormous glee or whatever. I mean I am human after all, who the hell looks forward to go to work. But the dread is so overbearing that I wish I would never wake up. Does it mean something?

Aahh...it seems trivial, it seems simple and it probably is. But this is who I am and sometimes I hate who I am. I wish I could wake up one day and not care at all, not give a damn about anything.

I wish....

Choices

Life is full of choices. When you wake up, you make a choice of do you want to make some milk and milo today or just go to work empty stomached because it is way too early to eat anything and spend some awkward minutes in a meeting trying to mask the sound of your tummy growling because you chose not to have the light breakfast. You then make a choice of wearing the same old ugly worn out shoes for work or the spanking new pair of shoes you just bought 2 days ago and have been dying to wear knowing sure enough it is gonna eat into your skin the first time and leave you with a bad cut because you didn't put a padding in it. For sake of beauty, girls go for the latter. But the scar on the back of your ankle doesn't go away, mind you. Then you wonder if you want to have a heavy lunch and skip dinner because you start to feel fat and bloated and that makes you feel guilty for even eating at all or you skip the lunch and have a guilt-free dinner by telling yourself you only had 2 meals or worst, 1 meal that day so you have every friggin right to enjoy your dinner. I know it doesn't work that way as we tend to over-indulge when we are super hungry but let's just be naive for a second. What if one day you wake up and you realise you don't have a choice but to go to work. Do we have a choice of staying at home and having our so called ME time? And the many many days after where you wake up every morning feeling like a piece of steaming hot pile of shit wishing you have a choice. You do, everyone and everything comes with a choice as well as a consequence. Somedays we have to be logical and realistic and some days you just want to say I-DON'T-GIVE-A-SHIT. Everyone needs a break to recharge and refresh. What if you realise it is no longer working for you and no matter how hard you try, you can't charge and you can't shake the shitty feeling every morning. You are left again with choices and consequences, most often than not in these circumstances....you make the stupidest choices but what if at the end of the day, all you want is to be able to be happy. To not have to keep your frustrations and bring it home. What if it is a choice of being happy or being miserable. Life is too short and we waste it away a lot. Sometimes we need to make a choice for change. A change is good. That is how we recharge. Doing something different. I made a choice for that more than a year ago, I became happy but change happens everyday and sometimes it ends and you are left with new choices to make. Some days you just don't want to wake up but unfortunately that is not a choice you can make.

The Help

This is a very very very very very good movie.
That's all I want to say about it. Watch it..

Chyna

I lost my dearest pet who is my friend and my family for the past 10 years of my life. I don't know how to grieve of it. I didn't get to say goodbye but in all fairness, it wasn't right to prolong her suffering just so I could see her. I wouldn't have been able to get through it if I was there. It hurts so bad and I hope she is reborn into a good life.

Is that it?

My whole life...packed into a luggage. I have no words to describe how I feel.

It's alive!!!!

This blog is still alive.....
I love Dunkin's choc pudding donut.
IKEA would be super cool only if you got your own little place to decorate.
I need Dexter.
I love holding my nephew.
I will never regret buying an iPhone. Phones have never been so fun.
Time should stand still for a moment.
Astro should bring in better shows.
The characters on Law & Order SVU look so dull.
There you go, all my random thoughts of the moment.

End of story

Awesome and sweeet

Manchester United is already 3 - 0 up at halftime. FInal score is 3 - 1. The game went pretty well. Very exciting. I don't know why the papers keep harping on De Gea's initial mistakes in his 1st or 2nd game with MU. I totally disagree. He has been awesome so far. I think those are just mind games to mess with his confidence. He is living and breathing awesome. He is catching balls (no pun intended) where I didn't think he would be able to reach and I thought it would be goner for MU already. But he got to it.
Apart from that, I am not a Nani fan at all. Not at all. But his strike was superb. And Torres's big miss was the best!
Another worthy effort to stay up and watch the game.

8- 2

8 for Manchester United, 2 for Arsenal. Unbelievably awesome game! MU made it look so easy and so entertaining at the same time.
Awesomeness... Well, this was worth staying up for.

Hallelujah!

FINALLY SOME PEACE!

=)

_|_

This Is Country Music

*swoon*

Universe says, Screw you!

You are never right when you dream of the best and you are always right when you imagine the worst. I think it's funny how things turn out. It's like the universe is just waiting for you to make that choice and then it screws you over. Like those storybooks with options for you to choose that leads you to different endings.

No Masters degree whatsoever is going to make any difference. In this world, that piece of paper gives me hope that I can venture out into something new. But really, people don't give a flying f**k and neither do I. It's stashed somewhere in that closet of old books. 90% of the time I don't even remember that I have one.

And then the wheels start turning and everything from the past & present starts changing drastically before your eyes. And then I feel like I have pummeled down a sink hole and yet sometimes I feel like I'm riding a wave, smile on my face, the wind in my hair and then suddenly a shark pops up and rips off your ankle. People usually say don't regret anything. Well, people who are successful will say that. I'm not getting any younger and my target line is already closing in on me. Looks like I need to shift it further.

Everyone's got to have passion in life. I don't have one, I can't find it. Do you have passion and what is your passion?

P/S: I just played with an app called Mood Analyzer test and it deemed me Useless. WTF?!

Another milestone

Here we go again. Another birthday just around the corner. This year seems less of a celebration but more of a 'gawd, is it back again?' Maybe as I grow older I dread it more, or maybe I'm just in a bad mood. Or maybe coz I dislike the feeling of the end of a long weekend where I accomplished nothing, not even a bit of relaxation. Weather was hot and humid, plagued with incessant headaches. And it's back to work tomorrow. It's a busy morning with back-to-back meeting/conference call trainings and more and more things to worry about. If there is a pill that I could take that would make me chilled and cool and calm. I want it.. Who am I to complain about work anyway? I'm sure other people have much busier days...but screw it. I'm not other people and I'm grumbling to myself anyhow! I'm totally entitled to it.

What's more is that I've finished watching Glee Season 2. I've finished HIMYM and Modern Family. I'm almost done with latest season of Bones. I would say I'm having Glee/Bones/HIMYM/Modern Family-withdrawal syndrome. Meaning of life is slowly but surely seeping out of my soul once more and I'm going to be stuck with dull-coloured NCIS and Criminal Minds re-runs for the coming weekends. Furthermore, I wish they would stop showing White Collar and Burn Notice. It doesn't attract me a teeny bit. So it's a waste of time when they show it and I have nothing else to watch. In the end, I get so desperate, I watch The Kardashians. Come to think of it, sounds more like I have no life at all.

Well, it's been a long long ..whatever. I wish I can sleep the week away, have a nice long dream where I'm flying peter-pan style or wrestling with sharks. I'm not tired, I just don't really want to face the days. Maybe I'm just a bum. I am a real bum. Music helps me sleep but lately I've been listening less and less eventhough my list has grown longer and longer. People say that when you are lying in bed getting ready to sleep, you shouldn't think at all or re-cap your day in your head. I'm guilty of that, I end up getting all worked up and can't sleep. I've started playing Angry Birds recently. It's cute and it gets my eyes tired that I need to shut it and sleep comes. I never understood the draw of Angry Birds. I tried it once many months ago and deleted it. I tried it again this week and I got hooked. Damn..

Kinda hooked

I hate to admit this but Britney Spears's new single "Till The World Ends" is head-bobbing feet-tapping infectious.... good comeback.

Artist of the year???!!!

WHAT THE *toooooooooooooooooot* ???!!! Justin Bieber!? Other than the Baby song, what in the...huh...why...gawd....I'm speechless. I'm almost disgusted...

On a separate note, an NKOTB/BSB performance in the AMAs? I wouldn't have guessed. Boyband days are so over, but tell you what. This was hot! Joey McIntyre!!! Woooo....
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfq14j_211121224728_webcam#from=embed

Live It Up

Last season's American Idol was so darn boring, I could have watched my fingernails grow while what's-his-name or what's-her-name blurts out songs on stage. But I like Lee Dewyze, although not as enthusiastic about him as much as some of the contestants in the past seasons like a certain Adam Lambert...was that too obvious?

I didn't expect to like Lee's album. But I'm pleasantly surprised, I like it. The pace of the music is nice, suits him, thank God he didn't go bubblegum pop. The album's not great but it's easy listening.

Entertainer Of The Year

One of my favourite country crooners, Brad Paisley is CMA's Entertainer Of The Year. Long wait is over.

It's a drug

Why am I still toying with my dad's old iPhone 3G after more than a week eventhough the phone is already cranky and unstable?? Why does Apple products have this odd draw that I can't seem to put it down? Don't get me wrong, I still love my Nokia N97 and it is in top condition but I can't put down the iPhone just yet to switch back to my N97. It is unexplainable...annoyingly unexplainable. It's like a drug.